Ophira Fell Down And Broke Her Crown

I fell down a flight of stairs this week.

Seriously – no one pushed me. I just tripped down a whole flight of cement subway stairs. I feel like an idiot. I can only imagine how I looked because I felt like I was tumbling down those stairs hopelessly and helplessly for at least 45 minutes. In actuality I think it was seven steps. Okay, I am a trippy person. I’ve ungracefully tripped and fallen before. But this was bad. No broken bones or severe damage bad – just scrapes and crazy bruises bad. And ego bruised bad. I mean – I don’t know I how I can make sure that doesn’t happen again. I feel like a kid that fell off a bike, but I am a grown woman who fell down a flight of subways stairs. I’m not used to this kind of pain any more – the sting on my knees, the throbbing on my sides, it hurts when I bend over....and I wasn’t even drunk. Well I had two margaritas – but they were spaced over the course of many hours. It might have been the high heel boots, but really – I’ve worn worse under worse situations. This was just ridiculous.

I was alone, and the subway station was pretty quiet. I walked in and all of a sudden I was out of control – my body uncontrollably smacking itself down step after step. Unable to save myself I just waited for the falling to end and it did – I landed in a crumple on to the subway floor. I picked myself up, brushed off my skirt, (always good to fall in a skirt) but I was in a state of shock and semi-delirium - my hands stinging from the impact on the pavement and my forehead pulsing because I think I rolled on it for a couple of steps - every cell was jolted – I entered an altered state of pain and confusion.

This young guy appeared – trying to help me gather my stuff – as my entire purse spilled out as it rolled with me – and asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t tell if I was hurt – something was wrong, but my brain was unable to process what it was. The nice guy asked me if I was okay again and because my face was throbbing I asked him in a panicked voice if I had hurt my face. “Is my face okay? Is my face ok? I think I hurt my face!!!” I asked him to look right at me and tell me if my face was damaged. He did and it was admittedly a weird moment – a stranger’s eyes purposefully tracing over you face. My self -consciousness and insecurity poked at me a little – but I needed him to tell me – he was all I had. He looked at me and said I looked ok but I kept touching my face and looking at my hands in disbelief because I was sure I was bleeding. I must have looked like a complete lunatic. He asked me once again if I was okay and I started to feel embarrassed trying to pretend that I had my wits about me even though the bland dirty colors of the subway hallway seemed vibrant and radiating to my eyes. “I don’t know how that happened…” as if I had to justify my fall to him. “I didn’t see it” he replied. A dignified answer for both of us. He asked me again if I was all right and I said yes. He disappeared. Just like that. Like a boyfriend or girlfriend that stays with you while your sick out of guilty, waiting for that moment that you seem okay – like you might be able to fare it alone – and then they desert you. But – hey I’ve come to appreciate anyone stopping and helping at all.

I stared into my purse but I just couldn’t remember what I usually have in my purse. My body was had totally taken over my mind and even though I tried, normal thought patterns just would not happen. I’ve only had that feeling one other time – when I feel out of a kayak and immediately started to experience hypothermia. I knew that I was going to be okay because help was seconds away and I was with friends and an instructor, but I could barely talk and I couldn’t get my limbs to move how I wanted them too. My brain was almost useless. Okay – this was much less. But I just could not figure out what I should have in my purse. I found my wallet and my phone and decided that was good enough. I opened up my makeup case and took out a mirror to examine my face. Nothing. It was okay. I never knew myself to be so vain until I met myself in shock. And then I continued to the subway.

My adrenaline levels lowered and the overall pulsing slowed down only for localized points of pain to burst out of different parts of my body. My knees stung. Oh great. I stopped and lifted the hemline of my skirt to examine the damage. Underneath my patterned red fishnet tights there was blood. Great. At least the tights were red. I could hide it for the subway ride and walk home. The wounds looked dirty. It did happen in a subway – what can you do. Looks like my immune system was going to encounter some new strains of bacteria. Different places on my legs and hips ached – I could almost feel the bruises beginning to bloom. I felt so embarrassed, ashamed and hurt. How the hell did that happen? I waited for the subway and felt small and shaky. I wanted to be smaller. I wanted to be an infant and curl up in some protective arms rather than shoving myself between two angry strangers on the F-train. But I muscled my way to a seat and off the subway, walked ever so carefully up stair after stair after stair and into the apartment.

My boyfriend was waiting for me and while shaking his head with that “how do you always get in so much trouble?” look he gives me, he helped bandage up my knee and we both marveled at the bruises that were developing in front of our eyes.

I can tell I’m getting older because when I told my friends, my coworkers and other random people that would listen about my fall they didn’t respond in a sympathetic but “well these things happen” kind of way you would talk to a child who took a spill on their bike. No, they just kept reminding me how lucky I am, how I could have done some real damage – my god I could have broken a hip!!

So now I’m “healing” and I still feel really dumb and my body looks ridiculous. The guy that helped me didn’t steal my wallet or anything else for that matter and my face is exactly the same as it was last week. Plus, I’m proud to say that I am quite the trooper and I’m even walking stairs again!